I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
