Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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