I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
