i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Someone signed my nipple.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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