Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
