Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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