Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
