She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
