bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
