I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
