You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
