Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
