I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
