my phone needs a breathalizer
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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