Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
