I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
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