There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
