I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
