he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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