Will you blow on my dice?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
