omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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