Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
