can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He passed out mid-signature
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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