I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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