I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
