We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I didn't notice because vodka
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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