I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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