I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
