yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
