guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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