And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And then he peed in my hair
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
