Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
