My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just want nice things and good sex
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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