Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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