I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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