Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
4 words: hood of his car
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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