Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
