there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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