Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
