she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
