You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
