Michael Bay diarrhea
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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