i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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