# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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