Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
