rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
