you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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