So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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