yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
