So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
