i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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